Kids Shows And The Need For Another Cold War

  What in the name of all that is good and holy are we trying to do to our children? Have you watched a kids show recently? We have gone from The Buggs Bunny The Destroyer and Tweety The Treacherous Show and Woody I Said Don't Fuck With Me Woodpecker to Handjobby Manny and the Backdoorigans. Jesus Christ if I hear one more song about sharing, a clock tower and a high powered semi automatic weapon may be in my near future. They're too nice. What happened to the trap doors and malfunctioning rockets and rabbits in drag? The answer? Rabbits in drag don't know how to take a joke.
  We are now living in a world of seriously emotional people. The art of this generation, kids shows or otherwise, is taking a serious hit from running nosed cry babies who somehow became the voice for the crowd the managed to be accepted into. And for every crowd is an emotionally damaged spokesperson poised to strike into the spotlight of equal rights to tip the equality slightly even more in their favor. You know who else cried foul when their voice wasn't heard? Hitler. that's right. Every time sniffly little Adolf couldn't get his way he closed parliament forcing a vote putting more and more of his pals in those seats of equality in Third Reich Parliament and look how well that panned out for the world. I find this analogy fitting because it works. The scales of equality are horribly tilted in some directions. Example: A lovable rabbit can no longer hit a deserving duck with a comically unrealistic frying pan in the head because it promotes violence. However. The pope. That's right, THE POPE can publicly ridicule the use of condoms because they promote sex in teens, the spread of diseases and homosexuality. Hmm. Which could be more dangerous? A laughing child or unwed teenage mother afraid to practice safe sex with a possibility or carrying some fun sex bug. Think it through.
  And for the sake of our planets animals we need another cold war. Preferably the Russians. We don't want to be racist, just demographically intolerant. We are running out of animals to vilify. We are going to end up with an entire generation of weasel hating adults on a crusade to rid the world of kleptomaniac rodents. I'm even willing to bite the bullet first. What if instead of being afraid of Swiper the thieving weasel, Dora could face off against Merl the Arkansas poacher. I know why. Because poachers are real and we don't want our children to figure out that sometimes bad things happen. Boots doesn't always escape from the net and society has been known to fail from time to time. These poor bastards are in for a huge wake up call when standing on the playground no one sings about equality and instead the bully decides a punch in the gut is just as effective as a carefully choreographed, spiffy little tune.
  So your right. Let's shelter our children from the stupidity we have created and brought upon ourselves and keep them safe from harm. Absolutely! But guess what people. Violence can be funny, Jar Jar Binks is not a slight against black people, Sponge Bob is not gay (I'm pretty sure sponges don't even have sex organs) and sometimes rabbits just like to feel pretty. So please. Can we stop with the god damned songs?

Thank You