Exercise sucks!

   Exercise doesn't make sense. The idea is to get stronger. Have you ever done it? It hurts. Your not any stronger when your laying in pain for days after. It's pathetic. A kitten could rape you and there's little you can do about it other than 'piss off, cat!' 

   Oh but there's ways you can build muscle faster to prevent such feline molestation, the protein shake. There's an enjoyable glass of liquid chalk when your sweating in places you didn't know could sweat and just need a drink. Good thing I went for the expensive crap flavoured chalk drink. And yes. Chocolate chalk has a flavour, it's crap. 

   Want to prevent that awful muscle pain of futile accomplishment? Creatine! To relocate all the body's water to your muscles. Which isn't good because we're mostly water and I'm barely muscle.... Where are we on the Matrix anyways?!

  

My dog's retarded!

   My dogs retarded. And I know a lot of people say their dogs are retarded but my dog legitimately needs a helmet. I read an article a while ago, five signs your dog may have Down syndrome, continuing chasing his tail after he's already caught it and what have you, ha had all of them. He even showed signs of a sixth and seventh that weren't even on the list. It's when he starts eating a swept up pile of glass and doesn't seem to be all that bothered by it that you start to look on the bright side. Things like 'well at least it'll save money in that you probably won't have to put him down'. Just give it time. He's afraid of the neighbours cat. He chased it once and got stuck under the car. The cat realized the dog was stuck and came back to beat the hell out of him. It's pathetic, I have to check to make sure the cats not out before I put the dog out. He's out there strutting around like he owns the place.

  If he were a person he'd be Forrest Gump meets a brain dead pile of stupid. He'd just go around licking things but he can run like the wind.