Have we really progressed in the right direction? George Washington, that's right America, your founding father and birth giver of your floundering country; said himself that the almighty leaf was the crop of the future. He believed this notion so strongly that he urged the public and even himself took part in, planting seed after seed of the prosperous weed. (Couldn't help myself on the rhyme scheme.) This miracle crop was to be the defining staple into the future. He figured out early on that there's almost nothing that can't be done with this stuff. Presidents of a later age would then go on to spend billions.. BILLIONS of tax payer dollars on removing and destroying a crop that single handedly has the potential to dig America out of their debt crisis, reduce drastically their dependence on other countries while making enough extra cash to abolish taxes and maybe hit a Grateful Dead concert. There is nothing this super plant can't do. a brief overview would be:
Paper (That's right, we need not be deforesting entire countries to harvest an outdated surface. We can use the shit to roll the shit!), clothes (Cotton companies have been praying for centuries that no one would catch onto this little gem), all things one could do with cotton, wood, cooking spice, laxative, mood stabilizer, an all around good time, the list goes on.
Let's start with cotton seeing as it is probably the most pressing factor. Someone figures out that cotton can be very useful to civilization. Everything from clothes to Q-tips. The downside? It grows in warm climates, entire fields are needed to sustain a living and once again it grows in the laziest climate of the laziest people ever to uninvitedly set foot in a continent. Not to mention it isn't exactly like you can take a break to roll a cotton spliffy to boost morale. The answer? Slavery! There happens to be an entire continent of hard working folk who don't know their own value and lucky for the white man, are easily tricked into taking long boat rides with total strangers. Which in the future would pave the way for racial hatred, undying animosity, terrible injustices and inequalities and the Fox hit show Cops. (Don't act like you don't see it.). The alternative? Everyone unclenches, puts in a days work if for nothing else that to further humanity. The plus side? An entire race of people need not be forcibly removed from their homes, forced to do the work of lazy people to then later be assimilated into said culture but with less than half of the rights of their "employers". nUnfortunatly Americans learn the value of a days work and possibly lose some weight in the process. This stuff is limitless in its potential. The American solution? Make it illegal, demolish the civilian crops and shift dependence over to cotton. Oh. By the way. The price of cotton is expected to skyrocket!.
Let's look at it through a different perspective. Pot smoker Johnny has three kids and a wife he loves dearly but is unable to work leaving Johnny the sole provider. Johnny goes to see a concert and brings with him two (2) marijuana cigarettes. Johnny gets arrested. Get your calculators handy. There is now Johnny's public defender to pay for. (By the tax payers). Johnny loses the trial and is sentenced to LIFE IN PRISON. Mrs. Johnny is now broke and along with her three children, must now go on welfare to be fed and clothed. (Using cotton fabrics I might add.). Juniors now grow up with the mentality that dads a criminal so they may as well follow suit. Resorting to crime, eventually themselves being arrested. Now. Take into account the previous billions you have been spending on eradicating this socially stigmatized plant then add that to Johnny's public defender, and three square meals a day for lets say forty years. His medical and dental expenses, housing, utilities, clothing (theres that word again) and finaly burial expenses. Still got your calculator handy? Cause we aint done. Then you have Mrs. Johnny's expenses. Welfare, food, clothing (noticing a trend here?) utilities, housing and of course burial fees. We're still not done. Remember the three juniors? Court fees, housing, meals, clothes (not even going to say it) and so on and so on.
Break it down. Billions on removal, millions on criminalizing and propaganda. Public defenders, court fees, housing, welfare, clothes, clothes, clothes. Plus some hidden fees in transfering the horrible prisoner, jurors to pay, judges, you see what I'm saying. How can there possibly be enough tax money left over for executions and bank bailouts? Sounds impossible? Guess what. This process has been going on for almost a century.
Lets get hypothetical. Say it's legal, the government grows fields of it, it's available in your local convenience store and they accept Mastercard! We would be making an almost retarded amount of money from this shit on taxes alone. It's easy to grow and swear to god people would take care of it for free. It would create jobs and reroute or negate the need for future millions of dollars preventing a plant that grows damn near anywhere. Pot smokers would no longer feel like criminals thus taking away their mentality that they need to commit crimes to uphold their image, cut out the need for weed dealers and make a lot of people feel much more comfortable. Saving even more tax money on those special little cops with a grudge against a healthier form of tobacco.
Histories view point: One would be hard pressed to find a culture or time period where the electric lettuce is not celebrated. The oldest found stash was uncovered recently in a Chinese tomb dating roughly two thousand years ago. Aparently next to some really olf Frito's. The word 'assasin' comes from the Middle Eastern word 'hashassin' meaning hash eater from roughly a thousand years ago. Zig-Zags are apparently a newer invention. Rastafarians have created a religion around the shit. I can't imagine it's overly profound and has a different twist on " psalms mon!" but the point is it's Ramadon not Rumadon. Budweiserology probably won't catch either. Even today presidents are scoring California votes by simply admitting that they inhaled, (If that's how it works than I should be a fucking king!), even though they hypocritically continue their blind crusade of futility. Only recently has the populace of North America began fearing and vilifying an evil whose greatest downside is a mean hankering for Hickory Sticks.
History of alcohol: Five thousand years of people waking up beside total strangers wondering why they have a tattoo that they don't remember having before said binge. Barbarians, violent invaders, armies of hostile nations celebrated with alcohol.
Negative health effects of alcohol: Liver disease, kidney problems, alcoholism, alcohol poison, car accidents, child deformities, murders, Paris Hilton and everything else associated with not being able to think or function properly.
Negative health effects of pot: Not frigging one. Oh, it may not be medicinal. You might cough and your probably going to want to eat. I suggest Party Mix, it's got a little bit of everything.
Well there you have it. The best reasons for legalizing the herb from debt crisis solutions to Paris Hilton. From Q-Tips to George Washington. So the next time the American constitution finds itself horribly askew of its original form to better fit someones needs, remember just how far you've actually come from your countries roots.
So turn off and tune in. Relax and unwind whilst I roach this bad boy and spark another one.
Mister Washington, this bud's for you!
Thank You
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