Poverty's a Son of a Bitch!

I lost my job recently. Like five months ago. Tectonic recent not people recent. Seems an unfortunate flaw in the authoritarian mentality is they don't like all of their mistakes in recent memory laid out before them in list form. Lesson learned.
But the tragedy in all this is it turns out your sort of limited in your actions when your poorer than a hobo. Stuff like eating. Long ago a man would set out for days at a time to provide hunted food for his family. Nowadays we hunt down the elusive two for one and dented cans on clearance. Start pondering extremes like armed robberies and turning your wife for tricks to lonely businessmen in Vegas. It's not glamorous but the American dream none the less.
Suddenly I'm Randy Quaid from the National Lampoon movies just showing up with the fam' for family dinners I wasn't invited to. How long, I wonder before I'm emptying the family shitter into the neighborhood sewer in a bath robe and a Fargo hat.
Quality of household items swan dive into the toilet. One quickly realizes the items that just can't be skimped. Baked spam is not a meal if bombs aren't flying over head. Discount cereal takes on less than subtle monickers. "Frooty Hoops," "Glazed Flakes". Glazed flakes of what, you ask? I don't know but it's cheaper and I can't tell the difference.
One point I can't stress enough is you can not cheap out on toilet paper. Go name brand. If your stuck with no name, go 3 ply. There's nothing worse than a wad disintegrating millimeters before pay dirt, on the path to the ass. You end up looking like the Charmin Bear. But no ones hugging you and you smell like poop.
The child's piggy bank becomes public domain as the car runs on the neighbors fumes. You become opinionated. Asking someone for money then getting offended if they offer money you didn't ask for. You start googling what a kidney can go for on the black market. Disappointedly, you then add on a lung to boost the value.
Boy Scouts collecting bottles for recycling become prey as you stalk them from trimmed hedges and behind mailboxes, dressed in your best camouflage and a demented clown mask so they know your not fucking around. You get rejected for employment at Walmart signaling the cold stone of rock bottom.
But not to worry because these things sort of pan themselves out, right? I hope so. But it doesn't really matter. You can only starve to death once.



Thank You

Thank you Clikkity Clack!

North Americans are the most disgusting people to ever dry hump their way across this planet. We are the black ties at the global party with our noses stuck so high in the air, we actually can't smell our own shit. I hold us responsible for foot stuffing this almost great species into the toilet with no regard for the plumber that has to come after everyone flees the stench and put everything back together. Ok. I may be getting ahead of myself here. What I'm saying is someone dropped the ball.
Let's start from the beginning. There was once a time when there was a caption at the bottom of our tender saying 'exchangeable for worth in gold'. Imagine that. Being able to see and understand what your moneys worth is based on. Instead of some greasy bastard in a three piece telling you that it's a very complicated process that you wouldn't understand. Nowadays it's merely suggested as legal tender. You see the thing about gold is its older than money and will outlive money. Thousands of years ago before greasy three piecers had a say in it, humanity understood gold to be the original and most consistent tender. It's shiny, it doesn't rust, it's easy to mould and universal in its worth.
Enter the intermediary. The Bank. You can't get paid unless you have a bank account. Your bank account is charging you to hold your money that you never asked it to hold in the first place. Not only that but that's not even your money! The money you deposit is used for whatever means the bank feels fit. The money it makes from your money is kept by the bank. The money they lose from your money you also lose and sometimes end up paying the bank. Don't believe me? Look up the great depression. Someone dropped that ball from a thirty story building.
Enter taxes. Forget the fact that your paying the man behind the curtain to sleep during the meetings. Every paycheck we earn has been taxed beyond reason. Even if it's an unemployment check, which is my favorite, a portion is removed from your pay to supplement you in the event of unemployment. You start receiving these checks and look at that. They've been taxed again. You are now paying taxes for your taxes. I assume in the event that your extra laid off. Back to the man behind the curtain. Democracy is described as 'of the people, by the people, for the people', but that's not what we have. Protesters lining the street present a very clear depiction of the people not getting what they ask for ( The Occupy Protests). Police are dispatched and the protest ceases to exist. So if people are no longer able to speak their minds and the people speaking for them decided they don't need a voice are we still a democracy? NO! The second a complete stranger rids me of a voice and starts telling me what's best for my child we enter a dictatorship. Not the foreseeable future, not in our grandchildren's age. But closer to about 300 years ago.
How can that be since we have elections you ask? Simple. Does not Iran hold elections? In a recent election the Iranian president dismissed that his opponent was elected and still reigns supreme. 2004, you think people actually wanted Bush back in power? Clinton was the only president to keep America out of a war and was booted out for getting lucky. I'm sure Bush was a total virgin but selecting leaders based in sexual prowess is somewhat ridiculous. Look at the pope. Again in Canada. 2011 Harper is voted into office. A year later it comes to light that he may have not been voted into office after all. He then takes it upon himself to personally get to the bottom of it. Scandal dropped, Jersey Shore gets another season.
Things as mundane as gas prices sky rocket because of a turbulent East. People instantly become war mongers, crying out to topple these dictatorships that hurt and suppress their citizens. Again, enter the man behind the curtain. These terrible dictatorships weren't always dictatorships. They used to be democracies until they found untold shit tons of oil. Western democracies step in and bestow great autocracies to these poor people to make sure the oil flows without question. Irony at its finest.
But the best part of all of this is it's all being held together by the third world children working for 50 cents a day. Again, the west cries out daily for someone to help these poor children. The world is no longer a world of people divided by borders. We are now a rusty clock of hierarchy reliant on the most bottom rung. People are convinced that as a consumer we are the bottom but this is false. If we stop buying cotton then polyester prices catapult. The company that owns Hostess cakes and other fine diabetic inducing foods also happens to be the same manufacturers of insulin. But if poor Clikkity Clack in Ethiopia gets his ten dollar an hour raise, the world shits itself as the economy evaporates because the bitch of it is, the world is in his hands. No one is going to pay Joe Schmo 30,000 dollars to build them an IPod because that's what his time an the materials are worth.
Without borderline slave labor, western civilization ceases to exist. We can't pay top dollar to have things done because our dollar is worthless without a lesser economy to exploit. Electronics cease to exist. The vast majority of North American occupations get snuffed out without someone to manage. Of course we could go back to farming and the occupations of yester-year, except we can't. The air and water has been poisoned beyond repair and no one even remembers how to do anything without YouTube instructions and a power tool.
So that's it, your saying. We're fucked. And yes, yes we are. Because until North America wakes up and realizes what democracy stands for and what kind of amazing feats we are capable of, we're going to continue spiraling this tremendous crapper. So until humanity stops braying like a gaggle of retarded sheep. Thank you Clikkity Clack. And please don't ask for a raise.


Thank you.