I Thought Majority Ruled

   A poll was recently undertaken on the CTV news website in which you were able to vote whether or not marijuana should be legalized. After a DEVASTATINGLY one sided outcome, (spoiler alert. It wasn't against) the globe and mail has published in today's issue, the harmful, often forgotten health issues that arise from its use, (Doritos stocks skyrocketing). The globe and mail is also the EXACT rag that printed en mass the article in which politicians laid out their plans to legalize and sell MDMA (ecstasy) in your local convenience store. Quoting the reason MDMA is so addictive, dangerous, mind altering, potentially lethal is not because of the drug itself, "But rather those money hungry, greedy drug dealers." 

   Never mind that you can't grow it in a basement, it hasn't threaten to overthrow slave trading organizations, the fact that American forefathers urged the public to start ecstasy labs, the real reason MDMA is the drug of choice for the government? It's just plain safe. And it isn't like any nobles from parliament would ever nickel and dime you. But they may be the greediest, money hungry drug dealers I've ever heard of. 

   And if after a 4 to 1 victory still doesn't prompt some kind of change, you may want to rethink your voting system. 

My Solution to Racism!

My god I hate the French.

   French Canadians not like France French, that would just be wrong. They're too proud. Have you ever been to Quebec? Beautiful place. But the whole province has a staring problem. Ya know, assuming they can spot you past their chin on the horizon. My god those noses are held high.

   And you know they want a parade. If they asked the right people they'd probably get one too. They just haven't yet. They're making us wait and sweat it out til they thrust themselves from those dank, cognac soaked tobacco dens and say, 'Oui, we would like a parade.' I went with cognac, I have no idea what the French drink. 

   My point is this. Tolerance. I get it, I'm all for it but we are a naturally hateful species, people. There's people that wake up in the world fucking hating life for no other reason than they woke up. Trust me I'm one of em. So what does that tell you about us as a society, if there's some amongst us (ahem) that just wake up hateful if we are to succeed as a people. 

   The trick is channeling. I don't hate anyone as a people. I'm not racist, I will never hate someone because of what they believe. But that leaves a lot of blatant unkempt anger out of whack. Makes me hateful, kinda makes me an asshole even. So I chose the French! It's harmless, they look like me so I'm not a racist, they just sound different.  The playground equivalent would be making fun of the kid with the lisp, which I would also never do. There's not enough of them, it's just singling out one poor kid with a speech impediment. Adam Sandler's got it covered I don't wanna tread on his turf. 

   The French! They don't know what I'm saying, if they tell me off it gets me the weirdest kind of aroused and what are they gonna do? Gang up and run away? The best hatred there is! If we can some how angle these KKK guys, and ya know, maybe tell them hurt with words or something. I think we may actually be alright.

Exercise sucks!

   Exercise doesn't make sense. The idea is to get stronger. Have you ever done it? It hurts. Your not any stronger when your laying in pain for days after. It's pathetic. A kitten could rape you and there's little you can do about it other than 'piss off, cat!' 

   Oh but there's ways you can build muscle faster to prevent such feline molestation, the protein shake. There's an enjoyable glass of liquid chalk when your sweating in places you didn't know could sweat and just need a drink. Good thing I went for the expensive crap flavoured chalk drink. And yes. Chocolate chalk has a flavour, it's crap. 

   Want to prevent that awful muscle pain of futile accomplishment? Creatine! To relocate all the body's water to your muscles. Which isn't good because we're mostly water and I'm barely muscle.... Where are we on the Matrix anyways?!

  

My dog's retarded!

   My dogs retarded. And I know a lot of people say their dogs are retarded but my dog legitimately needs a helmet. I read an article a while ago, five signs your dog may have Down syndrome, continuing chasing his tail after he's already caught it and what have you, ha had all of them. He even showed signs of a sixth and seventh that weren't even on the list. It's when he starts eating a swept up pile of glass and doesn't seem to be all that bothered by it that you start to look on the bright side. Things like 'well at least it'll save money in that you probably won't have to put him down'. Just give it time. He's afraid of the neighbours cat. He chased it once and got stuck under the car. The cat realized the dog was stuck and came back to beat the hell out of him. It's pathetic, I have to check to make sure the cats not out before I put the dog out. He's out there strutting around like he owns the place.

  If he were a person he'd be Forrest Gump meets a brain dead pile of stupid. He'd just go around licking things but he can run like the wind.