Poverty's a Son of a Bitch!

I lost my job recently. Like five months ago. Tectonic recent not people recent. Seems an unfortunate flaw in the authoritarian mentality is they don't like all of their mistakes in recent memory laid out before them in list form. Lesson learned.
But the tragedy in all this is it turns out your sort of limited in your actions when your poorer than a hobo. Stuff like eating. Long ago a man would set out for days at a time to provide hunted food for his family. Nowadays we hunt down the elusive two for one and dented cans on clearance. Start pondering extremes like armed robberies and turning your wife for tricks to lonely businessmen in Vegas. It's not glamorous but the American dream none the less.
Suddenly I'm Randy Quaid from the National Lampoon movies just showing up with the fam' for family dinners I wasn't invited to. How long, I wonder before I'm emptying the family shitter into the neighborhood sewer in a bath robe and a Fargo hat.
Quality of household items swan dive into the toilet. One quickly realizes the items that just can't be skimped. Baked spam is not a meal if bombs aren't flying over head. Discount cereal takes on less than subtle monickers. "Frooty Hoops," "Glazed Flakes". Glazed flakes of what, you ask? I don't know but it's cheaper and I can't tell the difference.
One point I can't stress enough is you can not cheap out on toilet paper. Go name brand. If your stuck with no name, go 3 ply. There's nothing worse than a wad disintegrating millimeters before pay dirt, on the path to the ass. You end up looking like the Charmin Bear. But no ones hugging you and you smell like poop.
The child's piggy bank becomes public domain as the car runs on the neighbors fumes. You become opinionated. Asking someone for money then getting offended if they offer money you didn't ask for. You start googling what a kidney can go for on the black market. Disappointedly, you then add on a lung to boost the value.
Boy Scouts collecting bottles for recycling become prey as you stalk them from trimmed hedges and behind mailboxes, dressed in your best camouflage and a demented clown mask so they know your not fucking around. You get rejected for employment at Walmart signaling the cold stone of rock bottom.
But not to worry because these things sort of pan themselves out, right? I hope so. But it doesn't really matter. You can only starve to death once.



Thank You